de le’Absolut

Another cold place, another shattered dream.

Perhaps, the order of life is tied into the random and the unexpected.

There are times when all the shivers that run down your spine aren’t worth it.

You feel cold with a glass and a packet and a bottle and a gun.

They’re not all here.

Some day. some other time.

Save seven, unhinged nine.

all in me, except a bottle of wine.

I don’t need your shit.

I seriously don’t.

Brutal, twisted world.

So dark, yet so beautiful.

Fever dream.

Packet of lies sold.

Buy truckloads.

Intoxicate yourself before its late.

Find your beautiful funeral.

Catch the bait.

All part of the wicked plan.

Catch your part.

Before it dissolves you.

All that you know and desire.

up in wisps of smoke.

Kill your dream or destroy yourself. make your choice.

Find meaning in all this absurdity.

Is it all numbers and integers?

we’re all creators. before we fall.

into the abyss of all that uncertainty.

all those dark corners that my shadow follows me.

whispering of dark futures and disturbing pasts.

all my life trying to find meaning in the absurd.

this existence, it pales.

before all i feel and experience.

Perhaps it’s all an illusion.

an illusion of absolutes.

Liars.

Glitch in my coffee.

As I sit and sip another cup,

mourning over the loss of pure childish innocence

the lack of brightness behind these closed and boarded up windows.

it bothers me.

howyers changed the lines that trace through my hands.

they reach the boneless soul of my existence, theypour

all that is needed, but never quite as much as I want.

like a hole that void.

nameless whispers that talk and seep into my dreams.

they tell me of stories yet untold.

they are of darker nature than I would be able to swallow.

It’s all biscuits and coffee this life.

you might want some tea once in a while.

some mind to juggle up your breath.

but that’s all the space I was ever given.

Adapting is changing yourself.

I feel conflicted.

But this glitch in my coffee.

sometimes, things don’t go as you plan. You tell yourself you know exactly how things are going to happen, that you’ve got it all covered. That it’s going to be like clockwork, then the world goes all topsy-turvy on you to make you realize plans don’t amount to shit and all you have is you and your skills to make it out at the worst of times so that hopefully someday when you make it out of the dark cave, you will have a garden of eden waiting for you along with a group of people who’d want to stick around with you after all the shit you’ve been through. But you never quite really find your way around the cave.

The Cave

The Greater Good.

Just got off the phone with someone. Name withheld. Since obviously it’s not good to take names and shit when you feel negative. Noise blazing all around. It adds to all the scary suffocating lack of air in my room.

Sometimes it’s okay to feel totally fucked up. Maybe one of the reasons I hate social engagements is because it always in one form or the other, brings us to a question of social or moral acceptance and denial. I say why bring ourselves to that stage where we have all these feelings. they all do nothing but just conflict us and make us question ourselves. why the fuck would we want to question ourselves. We’re all a little volatile on the inside. just the degree varies. This brings us to the question of what the greater good is.

Is noise a form of music? I believe it is. There are hidden harmonics. Millions of them that people think is shit. I believe its beautiful music. It’s the imperfection that makes everything perfect which is a state of irony. For something imperfect to be perfect would be a crime. Sometimes its great to be arrested. Fuck Hypocrisy. Fuck opinions and all the people who give half a fuck about it.

Back to the question of ‘the greater good’. would you kill half a thousand people to save a million? would you ever do the wrong thing if it meant better things in foresight? would you fight with somebody just to make sure things don’t go wrong later? It is a question that can break your bones. And I think I’ve experienced it. Literally.

You either die a hero or live long enough to turn into a villain’.

Coincidentally, I went to this brilliant play today. It was an amazingly crafted musical. Everything ranging from the music to the dance to the ridiculously crazy humor was nicely crafted. But then again, I’ve never been to see a proper theater play and this was probably my first time. Didn’t exactly seem like it was ‘spectacular’ to my friends. But nonetheless, I thought it was great. First time always hits you, I guess. with everything.

More about that later. or Maybe not.