Clocks progress, undefeated
Horrendous fleshrot, oblivion
Sleep, aquarian artifact
Torment the cage, spacebound time
Clocks progress, undefeated
Clocks progress, undefeated
Horrendous fleshrot, oblivion
Sleep, aquarian artifact
Torment the cage, spacebound time
(0:00) INT. HALLWAY
(0:08) ‘Hahaha, this sounds like fun, lets go further!’ said Max pacing through the hall. ‘Come on, let’s go!’ He beckoned. They were in the middle of a long hallway with several doors. Claire was hesitant. ‘I don’t know Max, you know we could get lost and we aren’t supposed to be down here. Maybe we should go back.’ ‘No we’re either going together or I’m going alone.’ Max stated with a sense of blunt resolution. Carpe diem. Now or never. This was it. She decided to take a chance and follow Max. They soon came upon a red door on the right.
(0:22) “You first” he said. “Are you serious? I’m scared shitless and you’re being chivalrous. Is this for real?” Claire said exasperatedly There was a flicker of the light. “Woah, what was that?!” Claire thought to herself and consoled herself thinking it was just another power outage, or maybe another one of those stupid power malfunctions that had been plaguing the Palau recently.
(0:32) She opened the door. Another long corridor, another long winding passageway of doors and lights, much like several they had encountered before. She wondered if things were starting to get strange and there definitely seemed to be some amount of confusion sifting through her head. She and Max had been walking for the past two hours through every door, passage and hall they could find in their strong attempt to get out of this massive architectural marvel. But somehow, it seemed that the further they went, The more difficult it got.
Claire took a deep sigh and walked into the hallway. The door slammed shut. “Max, is this your idea of joke, It’s not funny!?” Silence. no reply. “I swear I’m going to kill you, stop playing around!” There was still no reply from Max. “Fine! I’m going ahead. I’ve had enough.” She hesitantly tried opening the door that had just shut behind her to no avail. She had no other choice but to walk ahead. There was a slow comedown, a realisation. fear had slowly started to wrap itself around her and she wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Had Max disappeared? or maybe another one of his pranks? Little did she know that it was neither.
(0:48) Pitch black. Nothing to see, no eyes to be able to navigate. No cue to let him figure out which way was forwards or backwards. Max could sense a fleeting state of anxiousness taking over him. Purely guided by his ears and the tempo of his heartbeat which seemed to get faster with every second, he paced around trying to sense the entire hallway with his hands. As soon as he started moving, he heard a distinct sound like the one of a lever being pulled and something being set in motion.
Suddenly, the whole room was shaking and rumbling beneath him. It was alive, and breathing. Maybe he was going upwards, or maybe he was going downwards. It could have been either or neither. He had no idea.
(1:10) Stark white and shiny, the room was. Claire wondered what she had got herself into. Perhaps travelling halfway across the world to Valencia to study opera music and violin had not been the brightest idea. But then again, adventure had always been her middle name.
This, however was different. The fear here was more menacing, more insidious something she had never felt before. She whipped out her phone with the ridiculous sense of hope that there would actually be a signal. There wasn’t. 19% battery. She had to figure something out. and fast. She had an idea. She would open every door, see what’s behind it and eventually manage to figure out an escape route. Claire was going to find something very strange and unpredictable.
(1:29) The room rumbled and screeched to an eventual halt. Max got thrown by the inertia, landing face down a few steps ahead within the hallway. This place was indeed getting stranger by the minute. Where was he and why did that door shut on him before the lights went out? There were so many questions but no answers. He decided that the priority would be to get out of this place as fast as possible. Composing himself and standing back up, he decided to again start by feeling for the walls and finding a door. He was very sure that finding a door would perhaps bring him easier to an escape route.
(1:40) Max put his hand on the wall and started walking sideways. In some time, he realised that it was not just the room that had changed but perhaps what surrounded it. There were no doors anymore, or so he thought. Frantic and losing composure, Max sat back down and started wondering if he was ever going to get out of this place.
(1:50) Suddenly, there was a click. He looked around but he clearly could not see anything. Must be a figment of his imagination, he wondered. A slow creak on his left alerted him to the distinct possibility that maybe he was not alone in the room anymore. ‘Who’s there? Show yourself!’ He shouted half-expecting to hear a reply. There was none. ‘Goddamnit!’ he muttered to himself and punched the wall with all his strength. There was no movement for a while. And then he heard them the footsteps.
The ticking time-bomb of realisation would eventually hit him. They certainly didn’t seem to be human footsteps.
(2:30) An earth-shattering, shrieking roar followed.
For a good part of the past 5-7 years, I have been at this board. Pinning
things on. Tickets, journals. Scribblings. Faint reminiscing of places and people left behind. New things discovered. Every single thing that has driven me. Was on this board. At the outset of 2016, I made a resolution to let go of things that just didn’t drive me anymore. The truth is, to some people it might just seem like a simple board. But to me, it has been so much more. A device I could lay myself open on. I could like holes through my own creations. Travel the universe to anywhere I wanted to, all with the power of imagination. An outlet when I felt like I had fell on hard times, situations where I could see nothing but despair and pointlessness on the horizon. I’ve gone through a lot since 2012, and I’m glad the universe listened. And yes, it does. Sometimes you feel like you’re screaming your lungs out on the inside but its not listening. But it does. Some people give up, some go on to greener pastures, get married, move to a different continent or become someone else. But this board was all of me and then much more. It has been me, my struggle and everything it brought with it. Tears of happiness, of times I felt misunderstood, a lone voice in the giant dark void of space. It was always there. Slowly whispering in my ear – you just need to work your problems out. One more pin, one more one more flight ticket, concert pass or artifact. Today half of it is empty as I finally let go of things I collected and kept before the weight finally had started taking over and it’s all out. No more bullshit, 2016. This year imma be real and reset everything. Didn’t someone say that to truly find yourself you must first truly lose yourself? Well, this is probably the finding out part. Time for a real change.
I am the stone behind the image
I do not make you who you are, I break you
because I decompose
much like everything you have ever composed
Hard as a rock, but everything crumbles
tumbles and fumbles but visually humble
I do not want your trouble
I came here to warn you
The scratches are permanent
we are all sideways, bent
placate yourself in the crime
before they catch you, scarred
the old man’s stories are all but true
you’re not mine but we are all a distinct shade of blue
the lament is mine
I was once a distinct flavor of wine
before I was sent back inside
from the earth, to the earth
Ground, shaken and stirred
like a dry purple martini, severed
time passed by in seconds
like in hours, I incubated in thirds
oh, the worlds
that I have seen, what you might never be
but what lies inside
the work of a beautiful mind
within all of us, a wondrous land
the candle burns slowly through the night
the lament is all but mine
I couldn’t sleep. just for a couple of hours maybe.
Kneel and Disconnect.
waste another year.
fill the application.
No, I can’t start a new career. Unfortunately.
Sometimes you get so tired of going through the motions, trying to get out of the vicious circle of failure that pinches you every second you exist. You wish things were different. that they would get better some day. But somehow they never seem to fucking do. So you come this close to giving up. I’m seriously tired of constantly trying to reassure myself that it’s all part of a bigger plan. there is no bigger plan. there is no grandeur. there’s no mighty delusion of greatness. It’s all a fucking lie.
I looked up at the void and I couldn’t find a mirror. and it spoke back to me. I don’t remember what it said. But it sure talked for quite a while, because it couldn’t let me sleep. There are things that make us and then there are things that destroy us. you want to make some fucking noise but all you hear is static talking in an unknown language. you try to understand. you really fucking try. but sometimes stuff just doesn’t add up.
You could eat up a stone, you could destroy the mighty brick walls. you could drink up sand mixed with blood and sweat like water in a flowing river. you could try staring at the window and try taking a piss out of it. but there will never be escaping the status quo. ‘the stereotype’. there will always be acceptability and rejection. We as humans, love classification. this is good. this is bad. this is wrong. that’s right. But above it all, we want an interesting fucking judgement of everything. We want a show. So what if somebody gets killed, fuck that shit. bring a tiger and bring in a slave, we will drink wine through a gold cup and see his blood spill all over the place just so that we can feel fucking good about ourselves.
Humanity is beautiful but sometimes you can’t help thinking how shitty it is at the same time as well. you get the good with the bad. Much like sulphuric acid mixed with coke. you might get a good fucking kick in the nuts and have a happy trip for a while but you’ll ultimately kill yourself.
Could you see through the void? there was no mirror today and it spoke nothing. why are things so disconnected? where was the missing variable all along. did humanity lose out to carnal animal instincts that turn mighty wise and noble men into beasts who look for the next thrill. we’re all junkies. and we like to kill ourselves over small things. Period. don’t know about you but that’s what I feel like today. You always want to forget the shitty stuff but it’s always coming back and pinching you right there. Ultimately the sadness resides and you get used to the pinch. You stop feeling it untill someday it all comes back. Someday you get out alive. But you rarely ever do.
Disconnect and Repeat.
Disconnect and Repeat.
Let’s have a good fucking show.
Just got off the phone with someone. Name withheld. Since obviously it’s not good to take names and shit when you feel negative. Noise blazing all around. It adds to all the scary suffocating lack of air in my room.
Sometimes it’s okay to feel totally fucked up. Maybe one of the reasons I hate social engagements is because it always in one form or the other, brings us to a question of social or moral acceptance and denial. I say why bring ourselves to that stage where we have all these feelings. they all do nothing but just conflict us and make us question ourselves. why the fuck would we want to question ourselves. We’re all a little volatile on the inside. just the degree varies. This brings us to the question of what the greater good is.
Is noise a form of music? I believe it is. There are hidden harmonics. Millions of them that people think is shit. I believe its beautiful music. It’s the imperfection that makes everything perfect which is a state of irony. For something imperfect to be perfect would be a crime. Sometimes its great to be arrested. Fuck Hypocrisy. Fuck opinions and all the people who give half a fuck about it.
Back to the question of ‘the greater good’. would you kill half a thousand people to save a million? would you ever do the wrong thing if it meant better things in foresight? would you fight with somebody just to make sure things don’t go wrong later? It is a question that can break your bones. And I think I’ve experienced it. Literally.
‘You either die a hero or live long enough to turn into a villain’.
Coincidentally, I went to this brilliant play today. It was an amazingly crafted musical. Everything ranging from the music to the dance to the ridiculously crazy humor was nicely crafted. But then again, I’ve never been to see a proper theater play and this was probably my first time. Didn’t exactly seem like it was ‘spectacular’ to my friends. But nonetheless, I thought it was great. First time always hits you, I guess. with everything.
More about that later. or Maybe not.
Morning. Just woke up, had my breakfast. set up the keyboards and we’re ready to go. It’s finally time to track the keyboards for the new Ebonix track ‘Alive’ at my home. Even though they were already recorded at Keshav Dhar’s home studio. At the time, we thought they didn’t turn out that well on both the songs we’re recording simultaneously right now. But when I heard the rough track we were sent back a couple of days ago. I was frankly blown away. Can’t wait till everybody listens to it. It’s a beast. I really am not sure if I did track the keyboards for Alive that well, but I guess it sounds spot-on (well, most of it). So I must have or maybe it is Mr Keshav Dhar’s ‘madgic’. never underestimate the power of a good producer to turn absolute or well half- shit into pure gold, haha.
So since it’s Independence Day here in India.Yes, that day of the year when everybody wants to be patriotic and shit. yeah. right. I never really did much on Independence Day now that I come and think of all the previous years. But what I remember is it’s always been a holiday and like always, I shall enjoy it lazing around like a scumbag around my place and maybe if I feel a little more adventurous, I shall venture out for a stroll to India Gate or around the mall right next to my place. Holidays are so fun. especially in the morning.
I’m very stoked today for a change, cos usually when I write this blog I’m either seriously fucking high or very depressed, but today shall be a welcome change since I feel more awesome than I’ve been in months. I shall treat you all to this wonderful blog post that is jam-packed with awesomeness. YES.
I guess this so-called -high-happiness’ is probably one of the side effects of me getting my first salary for my first ever proper job (the details of which shall be elaborated upon in future posts). The kick you get when you finally see money in your bank account, oh man. OH MAN. Epic-ness ensuing all around. What do you do when you get your first pay-check? you fucking get a credit card and decide to finally do a couple of purchases you’ve always wanted to do. So first thing I shall do, get a ticket for Korn playing on September 5th in Delhi/Gurgaon/Noida wherever that place is located, never been there probably so no idea. Lately I have been listening to Korn a lot. Their dubstep album was such a kick. It was a delight to finally seeing Korn going neck-deep into experimentation like they did back in the 90’s. reminded me of the good ol’ angst-ridden teenager school days when you hated everybody and angry music was your only savior. only this time it’s full of electronic blips and wow-wows. Nonetheless, some people are telling they probably won’t be playing their dubstep stuff but I seriously do not give a fuck. One does not simply miss a Korn concert in Delhi.
On a completely different note, Poets of The Fall are apparently coming to India to play at the various Hard Rock Cafe’s as well. But since I’m such a sucker for money and since I totally do not worship the band as such (I haven’t even heard their new stuff yet), I shall not get the tickets for their show at HRC Delhi. Also, like N number of Delhi people, I’m hoping a miracle happens and I’m able to do some ‘jugaad’ and get a free ticket. but come on, HRC Delhi is not really a huge place and I’m sure that place shall be jam-packed as fuck. I have absolutely no idea how the HRC people are going to even manage the kind of crowd that turns up. but then again ticket prices are not really cheap so maybe a fewer people will turn up, you never know.
Also, I was thinking of finally buying a good audio interface, something I’ve wanted to do for such a long time but there are just so many options, I have no idea. People tell me Focusrite has better interfaces than M-Audio. I’m not sure, I always have had more of a bias towards Focusrite since I bought a new Novation Impulse recently and came bundled with Ableton Live’s focusrite edition. I would’ve bought a Scarlett 2i2 but I used one of my bassist’s and did not really love it as such. I thought it was fine but had too less outputs. I need something that has more outputs and inputs as well. Hence I have decided to buy myself a Scarlett 18i6. However I shall have to wait another month to be able to buy it I guess, unless a miracle happens and I get a couple of paying gigs which shall be awesome if it happens. But oh well, patience is the true tragedy of life. Sigh. Here’s a picture of my room set-up just for kicks.
Also, do check out my band’s soundcloud page as well! There will be new stuff coming out real soon!